Any and everything funny is being transferred to this blog please follow this one instead
EDGAR! THIS REMINDED ME IMMEDIATELY OF YOU CAUSE YOU NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT LOKI XD
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.
If beauty were time, you'd be eternity.
If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.
Babe, your beauty makes the morning sun look like the dull glimmer of the moon.
You'd better direct that beauty somewhere else, you'll set the carpet on fire.
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have five cents.
For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
Sorry, but you owe me a drink. [Why?] Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine.
You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.
Do you have a BandAid? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
Be unique and different, say yes.
Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.
Fascinating. I've been looking at your eyes all night long, 'cause I've never seen such dark eyes with so much light in them.
Most people like to watch the Olympics, because they only happen once every 4 years, but I'd rather talk to you cause the chance of meeting someone so special only happens once in a lifetime.
You're so beautiful that you made me forget my pickup line.
You shouldn't wear makeup. It's messing with perfection!
If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.
If a thousand painters worked for a thousand years, they could not create a work of art as beautiful as you.
You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
I was wondering if you had an extra heart mine seems to have been stolen
Smoking is hazardous to your health... and baby, you're killing me!
There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look.
Me without you is like a nerd without braces, A shoe without laces, aSentenceWithoutSpaces
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and I'll think of the day my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.
Are you an interior decorator? When i saw you the room became beautiful.
There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it.
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT!
You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room.
Do you have a twin sister? Then you must be the most beautiful girl in the world!
You look beautiful today, just like every other day.
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something. MY JAW!
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Do you know what I did last night? I looked up at the stars, and matched each one with a reason why I love you.
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Oh wait, it's just a sparkle.
If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here.
I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
Hey baby you're so fine you make me stutter, wha-wha-what's your name?
I bet you $20 you're gonna turn me down.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
Do you have the time? [Tells you the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Would you grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Shazaam!"?
Rejection can lead to emotional stress for both parties involved and emotional stress can lead to physical complications such as headaches, ulcers, cancerous tumors, and even death! So for my health and yours, JUST SAY YES!
I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
Hello are you married? [Yes] Well I didn't hear you say "happily".
half sweet and half nuts.
Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?
Hello how are you? [Fine] Hey, I didn't ask you how you looked!
Did you clean your pants with Windex? I can practically see myself in them.
How was heaven when you left it?
Did you fart, cause you blew me away.
I don't have a library card, but do you mind if I check you out?
Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
You are so fine, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of you!
Is your last name Gillette? Because you are the best a man can get.
Is your name "swiffer"? 'Cause you just swept me off my feet.
Excuse me, but you dropped something back there" (What?) "This conversation, lets pick it up later tonight.
Are you going to kiss me or do I have to lie to my diary?
Are you cold? You look like you could use some hot chocolate... Well, here I am!
If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty.
Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!
You know, Dr. Phil says I'm afraid of commitment...Want to help prove him wrong?
Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine?
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?
So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the woman of my dreams!
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
You see my friend over there? [Point to friend] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.
(As she is leaving) Hey aren't you forgetting something? (What?) Me!
Somebody better call God, cuz heaven's missing an angel!
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams.
Did it hurt? (Did what hurt?) When you fell out of heaven?
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? [No] Well then, please start.
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together.
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on Earth!
What time do you have to be back in heaven?
Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together?
Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.
Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
[Point at her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
"Yep! Made in heaven!"
Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea.
You know how they say skin is the largest organ on the human body? Not in my case.
My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me any time you want to.
You treat me right, and I'll do it your way.
15? So today is May 1, 2008, at 9:15 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met the woman of my dreams.
Pinch me. [Why?] You're so fine I must be dreaming.
if I had to choose between breathing or loving you, I would say "I love you" with my last breath!
Ouch! My tooth hurts! [Why?] Because you are soooo sweet!
I'm not trying to impress you or anything, but... I'm Batman!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you're the bomb.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.
When God made you, he was showing off.
You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me.
Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.
Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.
Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers.
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!
Baby, you are so fine I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for!
You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here!
Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married?
Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?
I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better?
Let's make like a fabric softener and 'Snuggle
I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me.
Hi, my name is Doug. That's "god" spelled backwards with a little bit of you wrapped up in it.
If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand.
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes?
(Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front?
How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice... Hi, I'm (insert name here).
Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right? [NO!] Darn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up.
Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be?
When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part.
Hey baby. You got a jersey? [A jersey?...Why?] Because I need your name and number.
Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?', 'What's your sign?', or 'Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.'?
(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?
This time next year let’s be laughing together.
Didn't I see you on the cover of Vogue?
Excuse me, I don't want you to think I'm ridiculous or anything, but you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I just felt like I had to tell you.
Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile.
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.
I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?
If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
I sneezed because God blessed me with you.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
So, what do you do for a living besides always making all the men excited and warm all over?
Was your dad king for a day? He must have been to make a princess like you.
Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.
Were your parents Greek Gods, 'cause it takes two gods to make a goddess.
What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?
What's that on your face? Oh, must just be beauty. Here, let me get it off. Hey, it's not coming off!
Wow! Are those real?
Ya know, you look really hot! You must be real reason for global warming.
You are the reason men fall in love.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
You look like my third wife. [how many time have you been married?] Twice.
You make me melt like hot fudge on a sundae.
You should be someone's wife.
Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside?
I want to be your tear drop, so I could be born in your eyes, live on your cheeks, and die on your lips.
Babe! you look so fine I could drink your bath water!
You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.
Excuse me.....Hi, i'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life, and i was wondering if i could interview you...
If god made any thing better than you he keep it for him self.
Girl, if I were a fly, I'd be all over you, because you're the shit!
There must be a lightswitch on my forehead because everytime I see you, you turn me on!
Hey, how did you do that? (What?) Look so good?
Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.
If you stood in front of a mirror and help up 11 roses, you would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world.
If God made anything more pretty, I'm sure he'd keep it for himself.
You are so beautiful that I would marry your brother just to get into your family.
You look like a cool glass of refreshing water, and I am the thirstiest man in the world.
Are you a tamale? 'Cause you're hot.
You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.
Do you want to see a picture of a beautiful person? (hold up a mirror)
Do you bleach your teeth? 'Cause your smile lights up the entire room like a candle in the dark. Let's go prove it.
Your ass is so nice that it is a shame that you have to sit on it.
Someone should call the police, because you just stole my heart!
Stop, drop, and roll, baby. You are on fire.
Baby, you're so hot, you make the equator look like the north pole.
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
If it weren't for that DAMNED sun, you'd be the hottest thing ever created.
How is your fever? [What fever?] Oh... you just look hot to me.
I just got dumped, and I think that you could make me feel better.
(Walk up to someone and bite them anywhere) Sorry, taking a bite out of crime. [WHAT?] Well it has to be illegal to look that good!
You are a 9 - you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.
Excuse me, I'd like to have kids someday, and I wanted to know how your parents created such a beautiful creature.
You're so hot, I bet you could light a candle at 10 paces.
My buddies over there said that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl in the bar. Wanna buy some drinks with some of their money?
I can't believe I've been hear the entire evening with all these beautiful people and the moment I find 'The One', all I have time to say is "good bye".
This isn't a beer belly, It'a a fuel tank for a love machine.
I don't know you, but I think I love you already.
You know I'd like to invite you over, but I'm afraid you're so hot you'll skyrocket my air-conditioning bill.
Here's the key to my house, my car... and my heart.
if we shared a garden, I'd put my tulips and your tulips together. (tulips = two lips)
Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.
If I had to choose between one night with you or winning the lottery...I would chose winning the lottery...but it would be close...real close...
Do you have any sunscreen? 'Cause you are burning me up!
See these keys? I wish I had the one to your heart.
Stare at girl . ("What're you staring at?")
You, Before I Wake Up From this Dream.
You're hotter than donut grease.
Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.
Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.
If you could put a price tag on beauty you'd be worth more than Fort Knox.
I must be dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.
I never need to see the sun again because your eyes light up my world.
If you were a steak you would be well done.
It's dark in here. Wait! It's because all of the light is shining on you.
Is your name Katrina? [No, why?] 'Cuz baby, you rock me like a hurricane!
Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my butt? A damn little kid with wings shot me.
On The Phone
"Sorry, I can't hold on... I've already fallen for you."
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.
Unfortunately due to low-no submissions I have no other posts v.v
PLEASE submit more posts ASAP! Normal posting will hopefully resume soon!
No call me maybe for you…
Words of Wisdom from Notch
And one more… And one more…
Corny Jokes ;)